The Work

It’s time to take some advice. As an aspiring writer, my goal is simply to get stuff moving around in my brain and get it out there onto the page. There is no shortage of inspiration in this world, so that shouldn’t stop me. What is stopping me is simply my own lack of motivation. The process of being inspired is far, far easier; it’s something different to actually get out and go do something.

Every published writer that I have heard talk about their craft has said something along these lines: if you want to be a writer, the first and foremost goal is to write. A lot. It’s not about coming up with something great right off the bat, basically.

Before I can be great, I have to be. For example, I thought that being an amazing cook would be simple, and that I would never burn something on the stove. It’s almost laughable once you see a sentence like that written down, but it’s the truth. I honestly thought that when I really enjoyed doing something, it’d just come naturally to me, like an extension of myself. The same for writing. Writing, at least, was something that comes a little easier; maybe the point in time where my life finally comes together is when I pick up a pen and simply let the genius flow out. As it turns out, nope, not really the way things go. That, of course, led to the feeling that it was easier for everybody else, and that there was something inherently wrong with me. But, that’s a completely different story. My point is, I learned that if I’m searching for what I’m supposed to become, I haven’t looked very hard because of the work required.

This is the part of my life where I’m finding out that the work makes you into who you are. People have tried to tell me that all along, but I don’t think I really ever believed them. It felt more like a point of view, where you can step back objectively and say, “Yes, I see your point, but you’re not really looking at the whole picture.”

So what is the work required of me at this point in time? Be a good husband, loving my wife every day, especially on the tough days. Love God, and pursue His will for my life, even when it looks like the last thing I would want to do. (A lot of the time, it is.) Love others like I think Jesus would. Make the most out of my time in school and not freak out constantly that I’m in the wrong place, that just because I’m choosing a major does not mean that the walls are closing in around me. That one’s exceptionally difficult.

And write. When I dread the thought of even returning emails, write. When I doubt that I have anything of substance to even offer, write. When self-editor guy up in my head is immediately pointing out my mistakes and the lack of flow or even that the font looks stupid, I will write.

That’s where I’m beginning from today. My challenge to myself - one of the few that I’ve ever really issued - is to write something each day, no matter what. That’s where this experiment comes in. I’m not going to worry about whether or not I’m making progress or becoming more eloquent in my prose. That seems like shooting myself in the foot, and it feels like it, too. (Ever feel that you REALLY TRIED SUPER HARD at something, only to find out that that effort made you completely blow it? The irony that searching for a perfect word makes one fumble over their speech is terrible.) I’m not going to back down from doing The Work. If I fail, then I failed, but I gave it a shot. This is one step away from perfectionism, and a step toward becoming who I’m actually supposed to be.

Coming around

Whenever someone has an opinion on a piece of art, I think it's important to consider where they've come from, and how it's shaped their perspective. It almost feels like spying, because then their perspective is no longer just about the one thing, but a sort of inside look at how they see the world. So here's one of my own admission: as someone who's grown up in the church, and Christian pop culture in general, I can be inherently skeptical whenever something is wildly popular, especially among Christians. I tend to shy away from jumping on the bandwagon, but I'll give it a shot in my own time. This week I finally got around to reading The Shack, by William Paul Young.

Here's the basic gist of the story. The story revolves around Mackenzie "Mack" Philips, a loving father and husband bearing some deep wounds from his own childhood. On a family camping trip, his youngest daughter is kidnapped, with all signs pointing to her murder. Mack becomes deeply depressed, withdrawing into himself. Years go by, and Mack receives a note from God, wanting to meet with him at the shack, the place where the tragedy occurred. Mack reluctantly travels out to the shack and has a life-changing encounter with a God who appears very different than what he had expected.

The above paragraph doesn't do it justice. Believe me when I say that this is easily one

of the most moving books I've ever read. I'd say that yeah, I'm somewhat in touch

with my emotions, but it's not like I'm willing to just open up the floodgates whenever.

If it feels manufactured, I check out almost immediately. One of the reasons why my wife

hates watching most chick flicks with me, and vice versa. (Note: this doesn't go for the

totality of girl movies, but the majority. Pride and Prejudice totally got to me, and not even

in just a Keira Knightley way. Disclaimer over.) So, not a big fan of being hit over the head

with a YOU-MUST-FEEL-THIS emotional response.

That's not how The Shack was for me whatsoever. I found things in this book that resonated deeply in my own life. The Shack affected me profoundly, because it's a story about redemption. It's a story about God stepping down on a very personal level, coming to this hurting guy, offering intimate friendship, forgiveness, and the fullness of His love. That's the kind of encounter that changes people - that's how God was able to change me. Like Mack, I have a 'shack' where I keep all of my pain and hurt. When I realized that God was with me through all of that messed-up stuff, and desired a relationship with me, that's when my own view of God began to change.

C.S. Lewis has something deep and profound to say about this (Just think about how much time you could save if you could just hit a button and type that sentence!). In Mere Christianity, he extends this metaphor of a 'shack':

"Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised.

But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself."

That was the biggest thing that I took away from The Shack, that God wants to meet us in the middle of our pain and suffering. If we trust in His goodness and allow Him into these places we let no one else see, He can change us in ways we never thought possible.

Even if you haven't read the book, I'm sure you've heard it talked about. I can count about half a dozen instances with completely different groups of people - work, school, church - where the book was at least mentioned in conversation. There has been a lot of controversy going on with the book over the theology contained within; some pastors recommend it from the pulpit, while others have apparently strongly discouraged their churches from reading it. Weird. There are parts where I disagree with Mr. Young, but I found his take on God to be engaging. Besides, I didn't read the book because I was looking for deep insights on religion. As a Christian, I need to keep examining my faith, and it is refreshing when somebody puts forth a very different view than my own.

There are sections of the book where Young gets fairly philosophical, trying to explain such complex issues like the Trinity or how God allows bad things to happen. The controversies contained within Young's theology occur when people see this as a work of nonfiction or Christian apologetics instead of simply a work of fiction. This should not be a book that you go to every time you need to brush up on bits of theology - but it is a powerful story that highlights some very relevant parts of God's character.

This book was published originally with only a $300 budget for advertising, and has largely relied on word-of-mouth to get people to read it. That, to me, is phenomenal. It speaks to the quality of the writing and to the fact that it has obviously affected others as deeply as it has affected me. As an eternal pop-culture skeptic, I'm happy to recommend this book to you. If you've already read it, or reading this post finally convinces you to take the plunge, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thanks!

A new old direction

Isn't it funny how the things we swear we'll never, ever do often end up being the things we mysteriously find ourselves drawn into after all? It has to be one of those things God does to have a laugh. Sort of like the old adage about if you want to make Him laugh, tell Him your plans, or something like that. I don't know if God is really like that, but if I were Him, it would certainly be tempting to mess with my creation when they start getting all self-important and dictating their own terms on life.

Anyway, that whole gotcha business: I've been getting a lot of that lately. When I was in high school, I had people saying that I should be a teacher - parents, extended family, teachers, those highly-invested types. Nothing could have freaked me out more; I vehemently declared over and over that teaching would be a terrible fit for me. Besides, had they seen my GPA? Good teachers don't come from terrible students... right?

So, that was that. Somewhere along the lines, however, destiny has a way of catching up with you. This year, I'll be a junior in college, starting down the path to become a full-fledged English teacher. What's weirder is that I'm not even being dragged into it kicking and screaming - I'm actually looking forward to it. I want to be a teacher, and I think I could maybe even be a good one. This is a complete shift in perspective for me, as you may imagine. More on that later. Example number one.

The second is very similar in its upside-your-headedness. I want to be a writer. This desire is as recent and foreign as it is old and familiar. Like stoking the still-smoldering coals of last night's fire the next morning, I've come back around to rediscover a part of me I had once dismissed as worthless. My rationale was that since language has always come rather easily to me, I would rather seek out other things that I could do that would be more gratifying, since I would have worked to get them.

Two books have been super helpful while I've been finding my way back to writing. The first is Anne Lamott's Bird by Bird, which has opened me up immensely to simply being comfortable in my abilities as a writer. I like Anne Lamott anyway from reading her other work, particularly her thoughts on faith, so I guess that I wasn't all that surprised. She's refreshingly candid and humble, making it easy to like her from the start. Plus, I was feeling completely overwhelmed, with no idea where to start, and she demystified the process for me. Rather than go through the mechanics of writing, she deals more with getting started, or more specifically the mental stuff that gets in the way of doing so (something I'm struggling with right now!), such as the voice in your head that tells you that you're no good (she calls it Radio KFKD... guess what the call letters stand for) and overcoming jealousy for others' success. She exposes writing as being far more elemental than we often make it out to be - "good writing is about telling the truth," she says, and I believe her. That's always my aim - to tell the truth. Also, she comes up with some of the most spot-on similes and metaphors; if you're looking to describe something using something else, she's got it down.

The second book is On Writing: A Memoir of The Craft, by Stephen King. Keep in mind I'd never read any of King's work before, but this book had come highly recommended by my writer friend Addie, so I figured I'd check it out. To my surprise, he's actually really funny and engaging as a writer. I just knew him as a horror writer before, but he comes across as a very normal guy. His golden rule to prospective writers is this: read a lot, write a lot. Nothing too deep, but I would agree wholeheartedly. The more you read, the better of a writer and editor you can become. I never went to any great lengths to work on writing skills when I was in high school, but it came easily because of the massive amount that I read as a kid. The writing a lot thing is where I tend to struggle. Here's a funny example of this that King includes in the book:

A friend reportedly once asked James Joyce how his work was going. “I got seven words today,” Joyce replied.

“But James, that’s good … at least for you,” said the friend.
“Perhaps … but I don’t know what order they go in!” he cried in despair.

I'm definitely guilty of doing a lot of self-editing before actually getting all my thoughts out. Again, this is where I've been encouraged by these couple books. "Don't worry about doing it well... just start getting it down," says Anne Lamott. For a perfectionist like me, that goes against everything I stand for. Even putting this stuff out here is a daunting task. I know that eventually this will mean something and tie together, but for right now I just have to get it done. Thankfully, I know that countless others have started down the road at the same place that I am right now. What sort of a writer will I be? I have so many varied interests it's almost impossible to tie something together. Something with music? Spirituality? Food? Who knows... I'm looking forward to finding out.

God's got a way sometimes. Like teaching and writing for me, there are things in each of our lives that have been put there for a reason. No matter how far we walk away from something that He's planted, they lie in the deepest part of our hearts. Sometimes the trial and separation is needed in order to see how important these parts of us truly are.