Necessities.

"Know it won't all go the way it should

But I know the heart of life is good.

I know it's good..."

-John Mayer

At some point, I think one of two things needs to happen. Either:

1. Life stops being crazy and slows down to somewhat of a manageable pace, maintaining some sort of predictability and more of a steady flow OR
2. I accept the fact that this will never happen.

My inclination is towards the latter. I realized just now how often the phrase "Life has been so CRAZY lately!" slips out from my lips, usually issued apologetically for my lack of communication with a friend or loved one. If they'd only understand, I think, this has been the single most hectic/busy/trying/whatever time in my life thus far - I wish they knew how I felt.

I think that, by and large, most people DO know how I'm feeling. Take my friend Ginger, for instance. Ginger is a photographer by trade (who does amazing work and deserves all the success she's been getting). Sarah and I have been close with Ginger and her husband Aaron for quite a while, so we see them on a somewhat regular basis. However, summer/fall is a particularly full season for those in the wedding photo biz - apparently lots of people think this is a good time to get wed! As such, I think the last time we saw them was... the 4th of July? No, I take that back - we did go see the new Harry Potter movie, where we got asked by some high school kids if we could buy them alcohol. "Make better choices!" shouted Ginger as we walked away, laughing in disbelief. Anyways, that movie came out the end of July. That's how long it's been since I've seen some of my closest friends. Ginger told me on the phone recently that "this has been the busiest I've ever been in my entire career," and that's what got me thinking. Then I realized that what's happening to me is happening to most other people. Some may be at a different point in the cycle, but we're all on the same ride, and it's got no sign of stopping.

Do I wish for things to back up a few steps, where I know now that I had it easier? Initially, yes. However, when I think about it, I know that the changes occurring are good, that the heart of life is good. I wouldn't trade where I am for where I've been, as much as I'd like to sometimes. So, instead of seeking an impossible balance, or craving things to be as they were, what do I seek now?

Wholeness.

I'm seeking wholeness in body, mind, and spirit. Isn't that really what we look for when looking back? Then, we think, wherever then is for me or you, I had a healthy balance. Less was required of me. I was freer. Time had less of a hold on me. I liked what I was doing... I liked who I was. This is how I've been facing my life as of late. And, surprise surprise - I've felt like crap. How we deal with the craziness of life has everything to do with perception.

I know that this isn't how things are supposed to be. Jesus said "I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better than they ever dreamed of," and I've gotta take the guy at His word. We're meant to have wholeness in life, yet it seems that it's always just out of our grasp.

We become most aware of our needs when the things that satisfy those needs are absent.

I realize how good I feel when I'm healthy, eating right and working up a sweat during a run or bike ride, when exercise has not been a part of my life for several weeks.

I'm aware of how much I enjoy playing guitar, often sitting for hours at a time getting lost in the sounds emerging from such a simple instrument, when I haven't picked one up in what feels like weeks.

I know how good it is to be spending time in the Bible, praying and worshiping God, precisely because of how I feel so thirsty and dry when I haven't done so.

These things, for me, bring wholeness. These are necessities, much like food and water. I can no more deny myself these than I can deny hunger pangs. Life will continue to get busier and busier; no doubt I will look back sometime much later and say that this time was carefree and easy. Wholeness isn't found by looking back, or even trying to work towards it in the future. In the here and now, in the midst of the craziness, I'm seeking to be whole.