What this means, literally: I was born in late July of 1984. A good year for the Mac, a not-so-good year for Winston Smith. However, since the 'rents thought I was ready for school, I started with the class of 2002. This meant that while everybody else was turning 18 during senior year, I had to wait until the summer after to do all the cool things everybody else was doing once they hit that magical age. Actually, I still have no idea what I missed out on, but that's beside the point. It probably doesn't matter.
What this means, figuratively: I have this chip on my shoulder from feeling young and inexperienced, always trying to catch up. This has been a huge influence on the near-entirety of my development as a person. Most of it has been a subconscious drive, although there are times when I'm very much aware of it. It is the persistent feeling that in all areas of my life, I've come to the table incredibly unprepared - like, on a colossal, "how could you have MISSED this?!" scale. I don't know if the ADD thing caused me to miss some crucial bit of information that would have gotten me set up to function better, or what. Sounds like third grade stuff.
I hate the way it makes me feel, and what it does to my relationships with other people - always viewing others as competitors, trying to get to this point just up the road that somehow never comes any closer.
At some point, I'd like to stop feeling this way, if it's possible.
No comments:
Post a Comment